As I’m writing this, I’m on the verge of a meltdown. My chest feels so tight, and at the same time, it feels like it wants to burst with emotions.
Stress, pain, sadness and anger, all these feelings. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to hit things. And with all of this, I don’t know what triggered it.
I’m lying in my bed with the blanket over me and my head popping out. My hands won’t stop shaking. I’m getting short of breath. My mind’s running faster than ever, but it feels like my world is in slow motion. I hate meltdowns. They are scary.
The things I say and do aren’t me. When I’m at that point of no return, I feel like I’m out of my body watching everything I say and do to the ones I love. I’m saying “Why?” Why am I saying that? Why am I hurting the ones who love me?
Here are some things that have helped me when I feel a meltdown coming on:
I text whoever is in the house to please leave me alone and give me time to calm down. I also send a photo with “meltdown in progress” on it.
My mother will open the door a little and ask if there is anything around me that could possibly be used to hurt myself or anything around me. If the answer is no, she will say, “OK, I love you. Come out when you can.”
I have my light off. Wrapped in my blanket, I will watch something I like or listen to music or play a game.
Set up a plan for when a meltdown happens so everyone in the household knows. Set up a place just for you if you have to keep stuff there that will calm you. And just let the meltdown cool down.